Monday, 11/1/10, Public Square

Sunday, 10/24/10, Public Square

Children are all foreigners.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, 9/29/10, Public Square

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” —  Sidney J. Harris

OK!  Pony up, folks!  Otherwise, be prepared for Boehner, the head clown, leading the clowning around of the House under the G.O.P. leadership.  What will they accomplish?  Remember!  It wasn’t that long ago, we haven’t even fully recovered and they haven’t changed.

Friday, 8/27/10, Public Square

Role Reversal

Well some one masquerading as Will Clark, busted in on Pop Blog and wrote a column that appeared last Friday entitled “Women are cats, men are dogs.” That got a few folks, mostly of the feline persuasion worked up. Yes, your pets do blog, also, usually while you are sleeping.

But let’s face it, there are two different standards for men and women. A man, while being a bit on the less than buff side, with sagging jowls and grey hair, can still be considered “sexy.” For that matter, he can be on the wrong side of the “ugly meter” and still be considered mildly “sexy.”

(Dang, if I were any uglier, they’d put me in a Zoo, but I do all right.)

Women, on the other hand, have to meet “standards.” God-forbid that a woman, especially a public figure, have a muffin top or a wide behind.

But let’s reverse the roles. What if Brad Pitt or the Old Spice Guy were the MINIMUM standard for men, and women could get by looking and acting like Betty White.

Now, I love Betty White, but she isn’t exactly my ideal fantasy for a woman. There are no restraining orders keeping me from ringing up Betty. What if Rosie O’Donnell was considered to be a “hot babe” in a role reversed world? What about Kelly Osbourne? Male Teen pin up?

In a Role Reversed world, George Clooney would be out until he touched up the grey. Matt Damon, close but still second tier. The same goes for Will Smith. Jon Mayer. Gone.

The rich and powerful men of the world? Bill Gates? Yikes! Joe Biden? Whoa, what a comb-over! The original world’s worst comb over, “the Donald?” Reduced to personal ads in the Village voice. Bono? Singing in the shower – alone. Newt Gingrich? What can you say?

Oh, and Barack? A little advice………………………………..

“Just for Men” and “www.BeachBody.com.”

And, for God’s sake, do something about the ears!

William Stephenson Clark

Well, Hell, yes! Obama IS an alien!

Everybody knows that Barack Muhammad Obama was actually born on the planet Sneezit, in the Galaxy of Ahhhhhh-Chooooooooo!

Why is there any question? Anyone that is from any planet other than Earth can see that at first glance. Even “indoctrinated” Earthlings can recognize the obvious signs of alien birth.

Let’s look at the signs:

Obama has no Earthly living parents.

His “grandmother” mysteriously died moments before the Election.

Ha-wau-eee was once a moon of Sneezit.

His “Birth Certificate” was forged by Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn.

No one had ever seen Barack Obama before 2004.

Barack Obama changes clothes in phone booths.

No one has ever seen Obama pee!

Michelle has a birth certificate from the planet Cough.

Sasha and Malia were born on the planet Sniffles.

And look at the EARS! (They receive radio signals from space.)

There is more. When Obama plays basketball (a game invented on the planet Sniffles) he can dunk like Jordan, block out like Wilt and pass like Magic. Recently, while playing a pick up game, he drove the lane against Dwight Howard, spun in mid-air and slammed home a two handed tomahawk that shattered the backboard.

Mortal? I think not.

But there is more. Did you all think that George WMD Bush was a product of HW and Barbara? Come on!

Harry Reid? Planet Incompetua.

John Bohner? Planet Tansekan.

Sharron Angle? Planet Bagidiotica.

Bill Clinton? The Galaxy Bluedresscia.

Rush Limbaugh? Planet (Triple) Cheeseburger.

Glen Beck? Thrown out of the Galaxy, too weird for even aliens.

Damn, can’t you Earthlings get it? We aliens have taken over and you folks just think that you have a few doofuses running around.

Sham-Wow!? Invented on Planet Kleenex by Vince Offer.

Spangles? Sent by the evil rulers of Planet Renee.

Billy Mays? From the Galaxy Infomercialia.

Jan Brewer? Planet Leatherfacia.

Lindsay Lohan? She’s all yours.

Halle Berry? She’s all mine, as soon as the restraining order expires.

Just look at the evidence. It’s all there if you would just open your eyes.

And George WMD Bush?

Born on Planet Awolski, in the Galaxy Cokenosian.

William Stephenson Clark, aka, Will of Satiria

Do you know what I don’t care about?

Well, I don’t care that Alex Rodriguez just hit his 600th career home run. I don’t care that Lady Gaga just was nominated for a thousand awards. I could care less about Bristol and Levi. And who, other than Shaq, cares that Shaquille O’Neal just sign with the Boston Celtics?

I do care that the Republican side of the aisle is trashing the President and the Democrats, with little resistance from our side. The pace of distorted “facts,” outright lies and conveniently ignored data has quickened as we move through primary season and into the fall mid-term elections. Could someone please tell me why Democrats don’t “fight fire with fire?”

I don’t care about the Maxine Waters and Charlie Rangel ethics issues. As far as I am concerned, they should resign now. I don’t care what Todd Tiahrt is going to do now that he has lost his primary race to Jerry Moran.

I do care about the ruling of the Federal Judge in California regarding gay marriage. I do care that that Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, two Republicans, did the right thing and voted for the Senate jobs bill. The rest of the Republicans voted against, despite the fact that it is deficit neutral.

I don’t care that someone has come up with a new sitcom entitled “Shit My Dad Says!” I also don’t care that the Parents Television Council wants advertisers to boycott the show. Hell, I don’t watch television other than sports, so why would I care about any of it? Besides, what’s a “Snooki?”

I do care that on January 20, 2009, Republicans suddenly became anti-war and fiscal conservatives. I do care that Bradley Manning may have betrayed our soldiers and allies in Afghanistan. I do care, that while about 90% of Democrats support President Obama, we seem to be gun-shy about saying it. I do care that the Con/Republicans seem to want to ignore the facts that they caused the Great Recession and the Democrats, led by President Obama, have brought us to a slow but steady recovery.

I don’t care that Albert Haynesworth can’t pass his conditioning test and Mike Gloic can.

(Haynesworth is a $120 million defensive lineman for the Washington Redskins. Mike Golic was also a defensive lineman – he retired sixteen years ago and now is a sportscaster. Haynesworth has failed his test three times. Golic, to prove a point, ran the same test and completed it within the allotted time.)

There are many things I do care about and a whole bunch that I don’t care about.

How about you?

William Stephenson Clark

Sunday, 8/8/10, Public Square

Saying what we think gives us a wider conversational range than saying what we know.

Wednesday, 7/28/10, Public Square

Lindsay, why should we care?

Well, the “other” Lindsey is much more newsworthy, but we get a constant diet of Lindsay Lohan in the media. Lindsey Graham will have an impact on our lives, through his work in the Senate.

Lindsey Lohan is a circus sideshow.

For those of you that have managed to to be hiding in a safe cave for the last several weeks, Lindsay Lohan was just sentenced to 90 days in jail for probation violations. Poor Lindsay broke down in tears and showed us her hand-painted nails, complete with “Fuck You” stenciled on the middle fingers of both hands.

My heart breaks for her!

We have also learned in recent days, that Jake has been withholding sex from Vienna, who ever the Hell they are. We also know that Justin Bieber wants to remain “pure.”

So what? Why should we care?

Jessica Simpson has a new (married) boyfriend and rumor has it that the “Jessica Simpson’s Ass” factor played into the relationship.

So what? Why should we care?

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) is one of the few Republicans willing to buck the Tea Party and actually work with Democrats to improve the country. Yet, somehow it is important to Americans that Lindsay Lohan, spoiled brat of Hollywood, is going to have to spend a few days in jail.

As Americans, have we been reduced to headlines in “People” and “Us” magazines?

Now, it is been confirmed that I am officially an old SOB. I don’t pay much attention to “celebrity news” or the latest gossip headlines. Who the Hell cares if Jon Gosselin is going to write a book? Do you think it will sell as well as “A Tale of Two Cities?”

So what? Why should we care?

Americans have much more important things to think about such as, now that LeBron has announced that he will sign with Miami, (dumb ass)  how is that going to effect the orbital path of the Earth?

William Stephenson Clark

Wednesday, 7/7/10, Public Square

Sunday, 6/20/10, Public Square

Obviously, I don’t have a clue.

Well, I obviously do not have a clue what is of interest to those here at our humble little blog. My column entitled “When is it time?” received about 90 comments and over 3,000 views. My column two days later, a human interest story about a pro golfer playing with his second transplanted heart, entitled “It’s Tee Time!” received zero posts and zero views.

Obviously, I don’t have a clue.

After Steven died, I committed to writing five columns per week in an effort to keep his blog alive. I have and will continue to keep that commitment, but obviously I need some direction.

The month of June is shaping up to be our best month ever, driven by nearly 5,300 views this past Monday and Tuesday, which were our best and second best days ever.  To put that in perspective, however, on Wednesday we had less than 700 views.

Obviously, golf is not a good topic for a column.

But here is my dilemma – I thought Wednesday’s column was far superior to Monday’s piece.

Obviously, I don’t have a clue.

I know statistics well enough to know that you can’t look at them with a microscope – you need to see the big picture.  That having been said, our humble little blog here needs participation and continued interest to survive.

As a writer, I can cover virtually any story. My columns are researched and my style of writing is similar to classic opinion columns. I try to vary my topics weekly and to include news, human interest and humor within a week’s span.

But, obviously, I don’t have a clue.

So, help me and this humble little blog out a bit. What topics do you want to see covered? Which columns do you like and which columns would you just as soon do without?  What would you like to see as the topics for future columns. Give me a hand.

Obviously, I don’t have a clue.

(The thread photograph  is not actually the author.)

William Stephenson Clark

Is there any good news out there!?!?

If you are a news junkie, the world looks down right depressing lately. We have oil spills, killer floods, massive deficits and debt, a roller coaster stock market, our own wars in Afghanistan and Iraq,  drug cartel wars in Mexico, ethnic cleansing in Kyrgyzstan and general mayhem around the world.

Iran is ratcheting up the conflict in Gaza with Israel, God only knows what’s going on in North Korea and the African continent continues to be sea of despair, famine and bloody conflict.

Down right depressing.

Helen Thomas opens mouth and inserts an anti-Semitic foot, something called a Lady Gaga flips off an entire stadium of Mets fans, the Big Twelve might be the Little Nine by tomorrow, the Tiny Five by week’s end and you can’t watch World Cup matches without feeling like you just stepped into the world’s largest bee hive due to the vuvuzela horns.

Down right depressing, I’m telling you.

Right here in the good old U.S. of A., the partisan divide grows by the  day and our politicians make you long for the good old days when pols settled their differences like Hamilton and Burr.

Are you depressed yet?

In China, a man and boy walk into an unsecured tiger enclosure and Dad gets munched. In Florida, a teacher is fired for having premarital sex with her now husband. And right here in this little burg that most of us call home, the assassins delivered their victim to the hospital before shooting him.

And just when you have truly had enough, something catches your eye that restores your faith in this world we live in……………

“AUSTRALIAN “ANGEL” SAVES LIVES AT SUICIDE SPOT”

“SYDNEY – In those bleak moments when the lost souls stood atop the cliff, wondering whether to jump, the sound of the wind and the waves was broken by a soft voice. “Why don’t you come and have a cup of tea?” the stranger would ask. And when they turned to him, his smile was often their salvation.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37670329/ns/world_news/

Do you have some good news to share with those of us that are getting a mite depressed?

(The thread photo is of the cliff mentioned in the story, the Gap, in Sydney Harbour, Sydney,  Australia. Presumably, the man’s house is on the far right.)

William Stephenson Clark

PUBLIC ENCOMPASSING 1/24/10

An emcompassing, the inclusion of all things of matter.