One hundred years ago

1910 Ford Model R

The year is 1910
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:
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The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.
Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.
The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.  A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .
Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!  Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND by the government as ‘substandard.’
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet.
There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.  Back then pharmacists said, ‘Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.’
Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !

Role Reversal

Well some one masquerading as Will Clark, busted in on Pop Blog and wrote a column that appeared last Friday entitled “Women are cats, men are dogs.” That got a few folks, mostly of the feline persuasion worked up. Yes, your pets do blog, also, usually while you are sleeping.

But let’s face it, there are two different standards for men and women. A man, while being a bit on the less than buff side, with sagging jowls and grey hair, can still be considered “sexy.” For that matter, he can be on the wrong side of the “ugly meter” and still be considered mildly “sexy.”

(Dang, if I were any uglier, they’d put me in a Zoo, but I do all right.)

Women, on the other hand, have to meet “standards.” God-forbid that a woman, especially a public figure, have a muffin top or a wide behind.

But let’s reverse the roles. What if Brad Pitt or the Old Spice Guy were the MINIMUM standard for men, and women could get by looking and acting like Betty White.

Now, I love Betty White, but she isn’t exactly my ideal fantasy for a woman. There are no restraining orders keeping me from ringing up Betty. What if Rosie O’Donnell was considered to be a “hot babe” in a role reversed world? What about Kelly Osbourne? Male Teen pin up?

In a Role Reversed world, George Clooney would be out until he touched up the grey. Matt Damon, close but still second tier. The same goes for Will Smith. Jon Mayer. Gone.

The rich and powerful men of the world? Bill Gates? Yikes! Joe Biden? Whoa, what a comb-over! The original world’s worst comb over, “the Donald?” Reduced to personal ads in the Village voice. Bono? Singing in the shower – alone. Newt Gingrich? What can you say?

Oh, and Barack? A little advice………………………………..

“Just for Men” and “www.BeachBody.com.”

And, for God’s sake, do something about the ears!

William Stephenson Clark

Well, Hell, yes! Obama IS an alien!

Everybody knows that Barack Muhammad Obama was actually born on the planet Sneezit, in the Galaxy of Ahhhhhh-Chooooooooo!

Why is there any question? Anyone that is from any planet other than Earth can see that at first glance. Even “indoctrinated” Earthlings can recognize the obvious signs of alien birth.

Let’s look at the signs:

Obama has no Earthly living parents.

His “grandmother” mysteriously died moments before the Election.

Ha-wau-eee was once a moon of Sneezit.

His “Birth Certificate” was forged by Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn.

No one had ever seen Barack Obama before 2004.

Barack Obama changes clothes in phone booths.

No one has ever seen Obama pee!

Michelle has a birth certificate from the planet Cough.

Sasha and Malia were born on the planet Sniffles.

And look at the EARS! (They receive radio signals from space.)

There is more. When Obama plays basketball (a game invented on the planet Sniffles) he can dunk like Jordan, block out like Wilt and pass like Magic. Recently, while playing a pick up game, he drove the lane against Dwight Howard, spun in mid-air and slammed home a two handed tomahawk that shattered the backboard.

Mortal? I think not.

But there is more. Did you all think that George WMD Bush was a product of HW and Barbara? Come on!

Harry Reid? Planet Incompetua.

John Bohner? Planet Tansekan.

Sharron Angle? Planet Bagidiotica.

Bill Clinton? The Galaxy Bluedresscia.

Rush Limbaugh? Planet (Triple) Cheeseburger.

Glen Beck? Thrown out of the Galaxy, too weird for even aliens.

Damn, can’t you Earthlings get it? We aliens have taken over and you folks just think that you have a few doofuses running around.

Sham-Wow!? Invented on Planet Kleenex by Vince Offer.

Spangles? Sent by the evil rulers of Planet Renee.

Billy Mays? From the Galaxy Infomercialia.

Jan Brewer? Planet Leatherfacia.

Lindsay Lohan? She’s all yours.

Halle Berry? She’s all mine, as soon as the restraining order expires.

Just look at the evidence. It’s all there if you would just open your eyes.

And George WMD Bush?

Born on Planet Awolski, in the Galaxy Cokenosian.

William Stephenson Clark, aka, Will of Satiria

We’ve ALL talked to this guy!

We’ve all talked to this guy . . . At Last . . . A Picture of Him

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, “Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.”

Mujibar said, “I am ready.”

The manager said, “Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.”

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, “Mister manager, I am ready.”

The manager said, “Go ahead.”

Mujibar said, “The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say,
‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.’”

Mujibar now works at a call center.  No doubt you have spoken to him.  I know I have.

What Makes You Laugh?

“Laugh, laugh, I thought I’d die
It seemed so funny to me
Laugh, laugh you met a guy who taught you how it feels to be
Lonely, oh so lonely”

(The Beau Brummels –  “Laugh, Laugh” – written by Ron Elliot – 1965)

There is enough going on in this crazy world we live in that makes you just want to cry. Today is Monday and the beginning of the work week for many of you and all the stress that entails. I look in the mirror every morning and see the jawline is sagging a bit more and the silver has pretty much taken over the pelt that grows on top of my head. And then, there are the “laugh lines.”

So, rather than start off the week with a rehash of the troubles of the world, what makes you laugh?

No, I’m not talking about stuff that makes you chuckle. I’m talking about what makes you bust a gut, laugh till you cry, and makes you start all over again hours later when you think about it.

Anyone that has been around me for more than five minutes knows that I am an incurable and unrepentant smart ass, and that I am as likely to zap myself as I am to zing someone else. It has taken me fifty-eight years to hone this finely tuned, but warped, sense of humor and I won’t give it up easily.

I think Lewis Black is hilarious. I loved Richard Pryor. Some of Robin Williams’ stand up is insanely funny. Some YouTube clips are fall on the floor hilarious.

And my dogs and cats keep me in stitches on a daily basis.

This morning, my newly world famous dog, Cookie, was rolling on her back on the floor, barking. What up with that, Cook?

So, lest we all drown in a pool of our own tears after reading the morning news, share with us the laughs that help to keep you sane (or something resembling sanity.)

William Stephenson Clark

Old Joe and the Foot In Mouth Disease

We’ve all done it – opened mouth and inserted foot. Joe Barton may have actually taken it to another level by apologizing to BP because President Obama wasn’t nice to them, but he’s not the first, and won’t be the last.

“Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.”

Politicians probably get the most flak for verbal gaffes. George W Bush is so famous for his that malapropisms are now know as Bushisms. Bush was bad, Dan Quayle wasn’t far behind.

“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Vice President, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.'”

Even the most solemn and straitlaced have their problems, too.

“The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'”

Gerald Ford was known for more than just tripping and falling down.

“I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio.”

When writing a resume, one needs to be particularly careful to avoid gaffes, blunders and general stupidity.

“Education: College, August 1880 – May 1984.”

Sometimes you wonder, just what the Hell were they thinking?

“Ears pierced while you wait.”    –    “Idaho Pot / 10 Lb. Bag / $1.49”

Old Joe doesn’t have the market cornered on dumb political remarks.

“It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.”

Some gaffes come way too close to the truth.

“Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required.”

“Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.”

The lawyers got involved and now labels can be the worst of gaffes.

“Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

“Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.” — On a portable stroller.

“Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.” — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

“May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.

Now, personally, I am unlikely to be guilty of a verbal gaffe as long as my mouth is shut. My written cases of Foot in Mouth Disease, on the other hand, are legend…………………………..

By the way, I’ll be leaving for Idaho shortly.

William Stephenson Clark

Foreign Budweiser?….Try Jackie Beer!

Question from the editor; Dear PrariePops, I no longer drink and haven’t for a dozen years. I know, that’s damned unamerican. My question; Since I don’t drink, but I do own 2 guns, can I still be considered a patriotic American?

You Know What Else is Un-American, Rand Paul?

— from Kate Sheppard, Mother Jones contributer

Newly minted Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul apparently thinks that criticizing BP for the Gulf spill is “really un-American.” Because, you know, “sometimes accidents happen.”

You know what’s un-American? British Petroleum. You know what else is un-American? Operating your drilling rig in US waters under flag of the Marshall Islands so you can skirt Coast Guard oversight.

Here in Kansas we don’t have to worry about oil spills. At least untill Coffeyville KS floods again! ~ sekanblogger

Fleas and Other Useless Things

Some of the time, I wonder about the really important things in life, like the origins of the universe, the future of mankind and why my dogs have to go outside with me whenever I go.

Then, sometimes I wonder about the little things in life,  like why did God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or evolution or cosmic forces come up with some really dumb stuff.

Now, most of the time I wear clothes in public to keep warm, so why do need hair on my back? What is the purpose for nose hair and why does it grow so fast? Why, if I shave my face, my beard will grow back, but if I have a tooth pulled, it won’t? Why do I have an appendix?

The animal kingdom is even more perplexing. Now, I realize that much of the animal existence is part of the natural food chain. How humans fit into that, I don’t know, since only a few of us manage to get munched by a shark or grizzle bear each year.

But where do fleas fit in on the food chain? There are no gourmet flea restaurants for species that feast on fleas, so why are they here? Flies are supposed to be a staple of frogs’ diets, so why aren’t there herds of frogs at the city dump?

What are the little things in life that you wonder about? Pretty much everyone wonders how George W Bush managed to serve two terms as president, but some of us also wonder what went wrong with an evolutionary process that gave us the platypus.

From the warped mind of William Stephenson Clark.

Who (or what) Do You Love To Hate?

My dogs bark at everything and everyone, all the while their tails are wagging. They love the Mailwoman, but they bark at her constantly, even after she gives them a biscuit.

We all have SOMETHING or SOMEONE that we love to hate.

For me, the list is long……………. Japanese copies of Harley-Davidson styling, hypocritical politicians, celebrities that have never done anything (that means you Paris Hilton) racists or homophobes that try to hide their true feelings, Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter,  Sidney Crosby, Todd Tiahrt, the list is long and growing.

Add to my list: Unmelted cheese on my cheese-burger, flat beer or Pepsi, cold eggs, Pit Bulls, Free Republic, flat tires, mean people, bad service, cold coffee, Dallas, Ben Rotten-burger, John Boner and Nude Gingrich.

So who do you love to hate?

Oh, yeah……………………….. you can’t include this one…………………

Phuckin’ Phred Phelps.

Everyone hates him and his dismal family.

So, who’s on your hit list?

William Stephenson Clark

Jon Stewart ‘Checks Work’ for Fox

Jon Stewart ‘Checks Work’ for Fox

In case you missed these cartoons

Some of my favorites of the many cartoons health-care reform spawned

Betty White Humor

We’ve all heard Betty White is going to host Saturday Night Live on May 8th, a pre-Mother’s Day episode also featuring appearances from six “SNL” alumnae.  Here’s a bit of her humor to get you primed and looking forward to seeing more of her!  🙂

St. Olaf to New York: White to Host ‘SNL’

“Tag. You’re it!”

This is a FunnyorDie.com video where well known presidential impersonators arrive to give Obama help on what he needs to do on bank regulation.  It is very funny – avoid drinking liquids when viewing this.

Pimped-Out Colbert Skewers Hannity

Enjoy!  🙂

Pimped-Out Colbert Skewers Hannity