Author Archives: tosmarttobegop


It is game people play when the idea of winning the lottery comes up.  A new house or a new car, a trip to some place they had always wanted to go.

I will admit that in general my winning the lottery would be kind of a waste.  I truly do not have grand dreams or desires, other than family, friends and the neighbors.  No one would know anything had changed, no one would be driving by the house real slow saying a millionaire must live there!

But one thought that come and it is mainly this time a year.  If I had the money there would be such a Christmas for parents and children of those who can not afford gifts!

And yes it is because of a personal story:

Since moving back to Kansas life has not been all that good, low paying jobs and living just below barely getting by. More Christmas then not the two of us have not given a gift of any kind to each other.

So the kids would at least get something.

One of those Christmases, it was another year of tight money and if not for family choosing to have Christmas diner here there would not have been one for us.  The kids had only the toys we could afford and those were mainly out of the cheap bin.

When it happened, I was under the kitchen sink.  Some how it got clogged and I ended up on Christmas Eve soaking wet and squeezed under the sink taking apart the pipes.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door; I ended up crawling out to be the one answering the door.  There on the front pouch were several black plastic trash bags?  I looked all over the yard but no one was there and I did not see any cars leaving?  To make it even odder, our outside dogs that normally would bark at even leaves blowing by.  But they had never made a sound and were just ten feet away on the patio!

I opened one of the bags and there were toys inside, every bag had toys in them.  Toys suitable for each child and their age!  To this day I have no idea who it was that left those bags on the front pouch.

But if I were to win the lottery, that is what would be happening tonight for every parent who can not afford to make their children’s Christmas bright. And one that they will not be going to school and listening to all their friends bragging about getting the latest toys while they got a dollar doll or cheap plastic car.

And like those parents that Christmas Eve, suddenly the thought of there really is a Santa Clause and perhaps a better world to them that they awoke to that morning.



Filed under family, memories, Original writings


Neville Chamberlain, the name brings up to different meaning for which ever stance or belief some one has.
For War hawks, he is the prim example how diplomacy does not work and how not taking a strong stance will lead to betray and destruction.

For those who think that diplomacy is the first and best answer to any conflict and dispute between countries. He is the one sour point that acts as a weight around their neck. His capitulations to Hitler and the Nazis. In the name of trying to avoid a War between Great Britain and Germany has earned him thought not that different from those when someone hears the name of Judas or Benedict Arnold.

By the time that Austria and the Sudentenland had been occupied by the Germans and it became quite apparent that War was unavoidable. Chamberlain was seen as a coward and a set back, the thought that diplomacy was a failed Ideological concept.

I watched a show that brought another unknown aspect to his actions and resulted in the failure to end the threat from Hitler.

One of the first of what would be many plots to either kill or take from power Hitler lynch pinned of the actions of Chamberlain. A group of military and civilian individuals and the largest and best planned
of all the operations. Was waiting for the British and the French to join in a stand and make a statement that they would oppose Hitler.

Once that would happen then the plotters would act and take Hitler into custody and he would have been executed for the good of the country and the German people. They could see the treat that Hitler posed and wanted to take action.

With the threat of once again a great European, they felt that they could act and that the people and military would be supportive. But it did not come to be with Chamberlain agreeing that Great Britain would not take action against the occupation of Austria.

Then the timing seem to be coming with the invasion of the Sudentenland, once again the plotters awaited the declaration by French and Great Britain to stand against the aggression.
They even sent word to Great Britain of their plot and what they were waiting on.

But once again when Chamberlain came back waving the piece of paper with the agreement.
The plotters could not carry out their plans for fear that the people would not support their take over.
To make matter worse, there was the suggestion that in order to show Hitler that he was someone to make a deal with.

That Chamberlain may have actually informed Hitler of the plot against him!

Neville Chamberlain had 100 percent confidence in his diplomatic skill and thought he could negotiate a lasting peace between Great Britain and the Nazis. That to coin a phrase, he could look into the soul of Hitler and see he was a honorable man.

It was told by someone who was in the room after Hitler signed the agreement with Chamberlain and had left. One of Hitler’s Generals expressed concerns about the agreement and that Hitler laughed and said he never had any intention to uphold this agreement. It was to simply give more time to prepare for the future farther grabbing of the rest of the country and then onto Poland!

Hindsight is always 120 by 120, you can always see where the mistakes were made.
What you should have done or not have done and where and when.

History is capable of teaching many lessons, some are true and a forewarning of what should be done or not done. Some people I have found take lessons from history that is not what might have been intended to be learned.

I think of Iran, North Korea and the Taliban, is there signs and indications of which lessons should be referred to? In some respects the Iranians are not all that different from the average German back then.
On a personal level they do not have anything truly against the United States and its people.

Yet they are subject to the same influences as were the average German from the Nazis.
What are the answers that should be came to from a view of history?
How much trust should be given to these countries that they are going to act in their own best interests?

Perhaps one lesson taught from history is to remember the words of Teddy Roosevelt:
“Walk softly but carry a big stick!”.


Filed under Uncategorized



The store had a problem, according to the company policy the stores have to reflect the ethnic make up of the demographics that the store serves. The problem came that the racial make up of the town ended up that less then one percent is African American but there had been no Blacks who applied for a job.

And no one from another town would work for the wage that the store could pay according to the schedule of pay for that size of store. Then the day came that Fred applied, he failed the tests, which should have meant he would not be able to retest for six months.

But the personnel manager personally gave the test over again to him; he got 100 percent the second time.

And he told me he was actually waiting in the break room to take the test again when she came to him and said he got a perfect score!

They treated him as if he could not read and expected him to do nothing and settled for what every he would do. Often another member of the crew would be assigned to do both their area and his.

More then once I would be told since we seemed to be friend which he is honestly the only one I would say was a friend to my mind. That I was to set with him when he was required to take a test and make sure he would pass it.

I would read the questions and the answers then wait, he did not seem to know so I would either point or come right out and tell him. I had been told he could not read and I dismissed a lot to that.

TILL, one night I was reading the questions and answers and he cat that ate the canary smiled and pointed to a wrong answer!

I blurted out, “ YOU SOB YOU CAN READ!”.

He could and he had wondered why everyone was treating him like he was an idiot?

I told him how his own brother had told us all he could not read and was mentally slow.

He got angry and said he thought something was wrong when he was just goofing off he never got in any trouble.

I then told him that it was wrong that the other people working the shift were ending up doing his work so he did not have too! From that night on his performance improved, Also he made it clear to the management that he did not want to be treated special because of the color of his skin.

But that did not matter since the only value he had to them was just that… The color of his skin.

The only saving grace from that was when he got in a physical fight with another associate and Fred actually started neither got fired which they would have both been fired but because they would not fire Fred they could not fire the guy he started the fight with.

Fred quit to take a higher paying job and now is back after that job did not work out.

I saw him tonight at Wal-Mart, he was working and told me he wanted out of there so he applied for the School job.

The same one I had applied for!

I have more experience and had worked for five and a half years for the school district doing that job.

But still after I walked away, the thought came to me, a thought that made me feel upset.

The thought of he has a job in fact he had reapplied the same time I had recently to Wal-Mart and I had been told I failed the test. He went back to work as the only black person working at that store.

Given the days off he wanted though you normally have to work long enough to finally wait till your turn to get weekends off.

And now my best chance to go back to work and for the school district now he has applied for it!

And once again another employer has the chance to show equality in hiring the only Black to apply.

I felt bad, that my thoughts ran such and suddenly found myself actually blaming him not for applying for a job I needed. BUT for being Black! Resenting that in the world such a thing is a deciding factor.

My disgust toward him turned from him to the notion that some how this is right!

That somehow this pays for centuries of wrongs, as if this is justice for racism.

How is it any different or a cure? It only serves to continue the wrongs not make attunement for it.

I would like to work with Fred again; I will always consider him my friend.

I am just disgusted that I had those thoughts and feelings and that some how judging someone for a job because of the color of their skin and this time because they are Black is making this open wound caused by slavery and racism to be continued.

There is no healing as long as racism is the basis for the judgment of value.

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Filed under Uncategorized


It started out to be a way to bring into prospective what is most important in life and relationships, but ended up being more disturbing as a whole about a younger generation of men.  The general question, is if you are far away from everything that you know in life what do you think you would miss the most?  Would it be a car, movie, game system, places to eat or someone that is in your family which would you miss the most?  The first person gave a simple answer; he said everything and not one thing in particular.  This was like saying that everything, including a human being that is thought of as a loved one, is equal and there is no real emotional attachment to anything over another.  After a while of thinking about it, I asked another young man in the family and got basically the same answer.

This reminded me of a recent incident, where my daughter asked her soon to be ex-husband whether he was at the house because of her and his sons or simply because he had no where else to be? His answer was because he did not have anywhere else to be.

Three young men of about the same age and all lacking an emotional attachment to those who they should have this attachment to. That the human beings were of no more importance then the objects they also enjoy spending time with.  A wife or a child is not more important to them than a good cup of coffee or an enjoyable game to play.  Simply something that they enjoy spending time doing or having around at the moment.  They boil down the only reason to be in any relationship as a convenience of the moment.   They aren’t saying their loved one would be missed, but rather that they could be replaced and are not a special selection among any other who would also perform the same functions as someone to talk to or be around.

The ability to have emotional attachment gives us the ability to see others as special or even fellow human beings. That goes beyond those outside of our family and in a sense our own value as human.  Lacking it is what enables everything from theft to mass murder like in the case of Hitler.  If this had been shown in only one individual it is a matter of concern but in three in the same generation and from different families is alarming and makes me wonder if it is a symptom of the generation?

Emotional attachment is a key benchmark of being a human being and one of the foundations of the very concept of humanity.


Filed under Life Lessons, Thinking/Considering


With the release of President Bush’s book “Decision points” it has re-ignited a debate and questions that have been occurring for years now. Questions of integrity and honesty along with what happens behind the scene in Washington.  This of course is not the first book dealing with that period, over the years in my quest to actually understand what exactly happened and to understand what was the mindset that led this country into the actions it took, I have read many books already and they vary in the conclusions and facts.

I have been thinking whether I would want to read what he had to say?  It is a point of view in the entire subject, to help to get a grasp on the mindset.  Not sure of the honest within it and will admit that having came to conclusions before the release.  That my thoughts and conclusions would not be tainted or to have the ability to read and /or accept what would be stated within it.

But I do try to look at what is written in such books with a honest and reasonable mindset.  Over the years I have read several books, most were from the point of view that was not supportive of the administration. And a few were totally over the edge on their explanations of certain facts and realities.  Only that which I could verify as factual and truth is accepted.  The books I’ve read have ranged from totally partisan to that of totally conspiracy theory.

A point that was made in one book was truly remarkable, to charge with treason President Bush for with intent endangering the American public by calling up the National Guard.  Since many National Guard are also law enforcement officers and by calling them up it made a shortage of Police Officers on the street. This though sounding logistical is a stretch and distracting from the factual and what is truly at stake.

President Bush’s book as portrayed by both side of the opinion media has so far been just that nothing but opinion that is either supportive or condemning of him and his book. The stated facts or mindset that are in the book will be subject to fact checks. If done honestly some will be found to be delusional or an awakening as to what really happened.  I would say it will not conclude the issue by continue it.  Which is what I am suspecting is the intent, it is something that will fall into the line from a Few good men.
“You can not handle the truth!”

As to what truths there are?  It is either that Bush was not as one side saw him and he did actually perform as he should have when the reality, true and facts are known.  Or he performed as this country’s worst nightmare, that a delusional mentally ill person became the President of the United States.  An extreme ideologue who’s reality was more of his own creation not based on the reality or known facts.

I will once again say it, what he and his administrate stated was not so much a knowingly lie.  They actually believe it to be the case, it is now that after the facts are better known that it is apparent that it was not the case.

Now I will interject an example of the incident, a person hearing voices is sure it is true and a fact.
If they take a tape record and tape the voices, you will be hearing from the tape a empty sound of static.
But they will still be hearing the voices now coming from the tape.  Nothing is proven to either person hearing the tape except for confirming what they already had concluded.

I have been stating it for years now, that the final conclusion to it all is, that it will not be in the best interest of the country and its people to have a final conclusion! What would the effect be if there was a final conclusion?  A serious and honest investigation of the available facts and realities?  If that investigation concluded that the worst was the truth, it would shake the very concept of what this country is believed to be. Of what we as Americans are believed by ourselves to be.  We are not the aggressor we are the one who will stand up to the aggressors. The blow to our national soul would be devastating and could even undermine our vary Governing system.  Faith once proved as false brings the questioning of our vary existence as a people.

If the conclusion is that indeed what happened was correct, it would divide the country into a hard and firm two combating faction since one side would be affirmed in their belief that the Government is corrupted and only out for themselves.

So the answer will be that nothing will truly be answered.


Filed under George W. Bush


Sir Barry had been given the honor of being the chief champion of the people. This high honor came with such weighty responsibilities as being the chief defender of all people, along with the high lord for the welfare of all the villagers within the realm.  He was anointed with the best and most shiny armor and a white charger of the finest lines and strongest flanks. Blessed with total say on the roads and all the crops to enable him to provide for the people.

Oh but he did have his nay sayers.  Sir Barry was of the order of the Leo the Lion but within the court was also the Order of the Dracula the Dragon which was a rival Order of knights.  For as long as any could remember the two Orders had been arguing between themselves as to who was the finest of knights and the best protector of the people.

The last champion of the people had been of the Order of the Dracula and he had been measured and been found wanting. As such the people had chosen from the Order of the Leo for their new chief champion of the people.

The Order of the Dragon could not stop Sir Barry, but could muddy the roads and taint the wheat so that it did not seem as healthy or be as tasty. But still Sir Barry would have the rights to order what shall be best for the people.

With a free reign as to what to do, Sir Barry and his Order decided that everything the people needed would be gathered together in a great box of huge size and bestowed upon the people.  The box was such size that once placed it blocked the center meeting of the roads of the village, and of such weight that it would take several years to be unpacked.  The people would have to wait for the benefits from such a large and burdensome box. Continue reading


Filed under Original writings


“To take action before something occurs or to prevent something from happening rather then waiting till it happens to deal with it.”

Under the laws of the land, it is not an acceptable defense to say that you have committed a violation of the law in order to prevent a criminal action against yourself or another. A simpler way of putting it is that you can not kill someone that some time in the future may kill you.  Since the future is often written as life moves through what is happening right now.  You can not justify self defense against some one who has at the moment not done anything to kill you.  At the moment they have not put your life in immediate danger, so you are not defending yourself.

The following is based on an actual case where the person did kill his best friend with the claim that he knew that sometime in the future the victim without warning would kill him. FOR THE MOST PART, the authorities did not doubt that this truly was the case. The names are not the true names of the actors involved:

Tim had grown up in a area where the general opinion of the Police was one of distrust.That the Police did not do their job to protect the citizens and more was a occupying force. It did not help Tim’s opinion when he made the decision to get involved in crime.  A younger life of committing crime, getting arrested and serving time.

But with his last prison time, he finally came to believe this was not the life he wanted.  He learned a trade in prison and if you ever took a look at the choices of trade that are available to learn while locked up, it might make you wonder just how anyone could really make it on the outside.  But Tim did, he worked hard and soon his life had changed with a family and working daily. His life was more like that of middle America, a nice house for himself and his wife and children. Nice things to enjoy and a pleasant and comfortable place to live.

His life long friend and someone he had grown up with was Fred. They had hung together, laugh together and even done time together.  Each had the others back and were just a call away from the other.  If one had done time in prison, the other would be there when they were released with new clothes and a place to stay till they got back into the swing of things. Fred was Tim’s only real friend and likewise, it had been that way since the beginning. When Fred had gotten out the last time, it was Tim )though by then had straighten out his life) who was there with the new clothes and brought Fred to his home to sleep on the couch and fed him.

While Fred had been locked up the last time, Tim had bought the family a new large color TV. One day when Tim and his family were out shopping, they came home and discovered the TV missing.  The house had been broken into and the only thing missing was the TV. When Fred came back he seemed to also be confused and angry that someone would have done such a thing to his best friend. He said he would try to find out who it was along with Tim was going to try to find out. Continue reading


Filed under Original writings