Jon Stewart quotes. You’re bound to find at least one that tickles your funny bone —
1. “And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.”
2. “As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.”
3. “Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.”
4. “By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”
5. “Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you’ve gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.”
6. “Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”
7. “Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.”
8. “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
9. “I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it’s not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.”
10. “I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a ‘Peanuts’ character.”
11. “I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance”
12. “If “con” is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress? Or did we just fucking blow your mind?!?”
13. “If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
14. “If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.”
15. “If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.”
16. “If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.”
17. “In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can’t get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.”
18. “Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.”
19. “It’s not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.”
20. “I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
21. “Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.”
22. “No one is better at not beating America than England.”
23. “Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.”
24. “Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.”
25. “Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”
OMG, I am ROLLING on the floor at the Jon Stewart quotes because I clicked to read more. They are all pretty damn good, but number 45 just slayed me.
“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion… perhaps around their necks? And maybe — dare I dream it? — maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”
I get so tired of the whining of the poor persecuted MAJORITY!
I would love to see the day when a Christian who is educated enough speaks up and says that Allah is the same God Christians worship, Abraham was the father of Ishmael the ancestor, allegedly, of all Arabs, Allah is Yahweh……same dude. Because if there is truly a misrepresentation, the haters are winning in convincing people that is what Christians are.
I know it’s not true. Seldom can you find everyone in any group to fit in a box. That would be like how Republicans attack all Liberals — to them we all smoke pot, have dreadlocks and don’t have jobs because we can do better on welfare. We don’t all fit all those criteria! 🙂
I don’t “tweet,” and I’m unfamiliar with that form of communicating but I did get several laughs while reading through this political discourse in three words.
But…but…Johnny B. only brought this up for a vote because he had 70 new Tea Party Congress Critters that has not had the chance to vote to repeal Obamacare.
It’s just not fair to these newbies not to be able to get their badge of honor so they can join the other old white farts in the Cocky Rooster Strut.
PrairiePopulistsAndProgressives.net 
Jon Stewart quotes. You’re bound to find at least one that tickles your funny bone —
1. “And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.”
2. “As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.”
3. “Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.”
4. “By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.”
5. “Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you’ve gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.”
6. “Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.”
7. “Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.”
8. “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
9. “I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it’s not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.”
10. “I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a ‘Peanuts’ character.”
11. “I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance”
12. “If “con” is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress? Or did we just fucking blow your mind?!?”
13. “If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?”
14. “If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.”
15. “If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.”
16. “If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.”
17. “In fourteen hundred ninety-two Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Now, some have argued Columbus actually discovered the West Indies, or that Norsemen had discovered America centuries earlier, or that you really can’t get credit for discovering a land already populated by indigenous people with a developed civilization. Those people are communists. Columbus discovered America.”
18. “Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.”
19. “It’s not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It’s that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs.”
20. “I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
21. “Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.”
22. “No one is better at not beating America than England.”
23. “Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.”
24. “Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.”
25. “Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.”
More, plus Stephen Colbert quotes:
http://samuel-warde.com/2013/04/50-great-jon-stewart-quotes/
Good information:
Here’s Why the Government Went Ballistic Over the AP Leak
http://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2013/05/heres-why-government-went-ballistic-over-ap-leak
OMG, I am ROLLING on the floor at the Jon Stewart quotes because I clicked to read more. They are all pretty damn good, but number 45 just slayed me.
“Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion… perhaps around their necks? And maybe — dare I dream it? — maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.”
I get so tired of the whining of the poor persecuted MAJORITY!
I would love to see the day when a Christian who is educated enough speaks up and says that Allah is the same God Christians worship, Abraham was the father of Ishmael the ancestor, allegedly, of all Arabs, Allah is Yahweh……same dude. Because if there is truly a misrepresentation, the haters are winning in convincing people that is what Christians are.
I know it’s not true. Seldom can you find everyone in any group to fit in a box. That would be like how Republicans attack all Liberals — to them we all smoke pot, have dreadlocks and don’t have jobs because we can do better on welfare. We don’t all fit all those criteria! 🙂
I don’t “tweet,” and I’m unfamiliar with that form of communicating but I did get several laughs while reading through this political discourse in three words.
Republicans Try to Repeal Obamacare For 37th Time, Obama Crushes Them in a 3-Word Tweet
http://www.policymic.com/articles/42665/republicans-try-to-repeal-obamacare-for-37th-time-obama-crushes-them-in-a-3-word-tweet
But…but…Johnny B. only brought this up for a vote because he had 70 new Tea Party Congress Critters that has not had the chance to vote to repeal Obamacare.
It’s just not fair to these newbies not to be able to get their badge of honor so they can join the other old white farts in the Cocky Rooster Strut.