No woman I know wants more than a level playing field in all areas of life. The right to choose marriage for all the right reasons, the right to choose to parent and nurture a child, equal pay for the same job and equal opportunity to earn promotions and greater challenges. Ya know, the same playing field you find the white men who live heterosexual public lives (no matter what secrets they may keep).
I’ve been married to the same man for 36 years. One of the key factors to our longevity is that we came into this marriage as equal partners.
I also told him – from the beginning – that if he expected to be waited on hand and foot – then he’s got the wrong woman.
I remember my Paternal Grandmother would jump every time Grandpa would say he wanted this or that.
My husband knew from the start that if he wanted anything – then he could ask me if I would do it – or get it for him – but do not EXPECT me to jump when he said jumped.
To me – that is the difference. This expectation that women are to be submissive and to do only as told.
And when I said Grandma jumped – she jumped when Grandpa said he was thirsty – but yet he was sitting at the kitchen table, right next to the refrigerator and/or faucet. He could have gotten his own drink.
And Grandma was in the other room……..but yet she practically broke into a run to get there….
But one thing puzzled me….she never asked him what he wanted to drink – so if she picked the wrong thing, then he was mad at her.
WTH was that all about??
I know, I know….that was considered ‘normal’ during their generation.
But, damn it girl friends, do we really want to go back to those days?
NOW – my Maternal Grandma was the complete opposite.
Grandma and Grandpa were two of the most argumentative people I’ve ever seen in my life.
Grandpa would yell out to her in the kitchen and demand a drink. Grandma was usually busy doing dishes, baking or getting ready for the next day, etc.
Grandma would yell right back at Grandpa and asked him if wanted her to drink it for him also.
Then there would be a fair amount of ‘fussing’ between them – and then my Grandpa would wink at us kids and then would ASK our Grandma in a kind way if she could bring him a drink.
My maternal grandparents were those type of people that would be fussing and arguing but yet their marriage lasted for 46 years.
Even in the midst of all that fussing – there was mutual respect for one another.
After Grandpa died, I watched as my Grandma became more quiet. She missed her cantankerous partner of 46 years. She missed his teasing. She missed that give and take between them.
And I realized that when he would wink at us kids and then ask Grandma in a nice way if she could bring him a drink – It was a lesson to us kids that men do not have to be controlling and demanding to be a strong man.
Both sets of grandparents were as different as night and day. Paternal were very quiet, reserved and demanded certain rules to be followed.
Maternal were the couple that if you did not know them, you would think they were in a wrestling match.
But that give and take interaction worked for them……..
My Maternal Grandpa is the one I talk about the most…….he was never a rich man with money in the bank, but he always had enough to raise his family and he had an abundance of friends.
That is wealth that is not appreciated much these days. We’re all too busy trying to become millionaires – or that is what I feel the message we get is – get that money anyway you can.
I like my Grandpa’s way better….
Hey PP – hope you’re not snowed in today……I heard this morning Interstate 70 was closed to the Colorado border…..
Dang….this is May …isn’t it?
It’s the May weather we deserve, don’t you think? Have we taken care of what we had?
Sad to say ….there is no profit in conservation policies. I suspect that is why Republicans fight conserving our environment so much…..NO profit in it for them..
Crappy weather here. It wouldn’t be so bad if there was enough moisture to make a difference, but the snow just isn’t enough. It is enough, however, to be a giant pain in the ass again. Even the outside dog came in to sleep on the porch last night. She’d had enough weather by mid-evening. She’s older, so I hid a baby aspirin in some cheese and she slept all night. I understand aches and pains. This morning, she was happy, rested, and stretched. She was ready to go OUT!
Low tonight is supposed to be in the 20’s. Another hard freeze. My poor trees have leafed out four times. I hope they have enough energy and water to do it again.
Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.
Sign me up!