LACK OF EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT

It started out to be a way to bring into prospective what is most important in life and relationships, but ended up being more disturbing as a whole about a younger generation of men.  The general question, is if you are far away from everything that you know in life what do you think you would miss the most?  Would it be a car, movie, game system, places to eat or someone that is in your family which would you miss the most?  The first person gave a simple answer; he said everything and not one thing in particular.  This was like saying that everything, including a human being that is thought of as a loved one, is equal and there is no real emotional attachment to anything over another.  After a while of thinking about it, I asked another young man in the family and got basically the same answer.

This reminded me of a recent incident, where my daughter asked her soon to be ex-husband whether he was at the house because of her and his sons or simply because he had no where else to be? His answer was because he did not have anywhere else to be.

Three young men of about the same age and all lacking an emotional attachment to those who they should have this attachment to. That the human beings were of no more importance then the objects they also enjoy spending time with.  A wife or a child is not more important to them than a good cup of coffee or an enjoyable game to play.  Simply something that they enjoy spending time doing or having around at the moment.  They boil down the only reason to be in any relationship as a convenience of the moment.   They aren’t saying their loved one would be missed, but rather that they could be replaced and are not a special selection among any other who would also perform the same functions as someone to talk to or be around.

The ability to have emotional attachment gives us the ability to see others as special or even fellow human beings. That goes beyond those outside of our family and in a sense our own value as human.  Lacking it is what enables everything from theft to mass murder like in the case of Hitler.  If this had been shown in only one individual it is a matter of concern but in three in the same generation and from different families is alarming and makes me wonder if it is a symptom of the generation?

Emotional attachment is a key benchmark of being a human being and one of the foundations of the very concept of humanity.

45 Comments

Filed under Life Lessons, Thinking/Considering

45 responses to “LACK OF EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT

  1. indypendent

    When I read your comments, I am reminded of something that made me angry and then it made me sad.

    Then I thought about your question about the younger men and their lack of emotional attachment. Is it really the ‘norm’ for these young men to feel that way or have we as a society conditioned them to feel that way?

    Let me explain: My son and daughter-in-law had their second baby last month. In the hospital, my son had the same ID bracelet that his wife and son were wearing but when it came to ‘security’ reasons – my son was told that he was not allowed to carry the baby out of the hospital, into their truck, to take his family home.

    This pink lady (volunteer- we used to call them pink ladies) got very irate with my son when he went to pick up his newborn son in the carseat to carry him due to his wife just having a c-section, did not have the capacity to carry the heavey and cumbersome carseat in her lap while riding in the wheelchair.

    What should have been a happy day quickly turned into a frustrating monent. While I can understand security measures being taken – if my son had the same ID bracelet as his wife and son – then how can security be breached? My son was the one there for 3 days taking care of the baby while his wife was recuperating from the c-section.

    My son broke down and cried because he said he felt like he was being minimized as the father.

    And I have to agree with him. Throughout the maternity ward, there were several babies born that week and I could count on one hand the number of fathers who were present with their wives. Some fathers were there but they were with their girlfriend.

    and then some women (young girls) had no man with them – the baby’s father or even their own father. Mostly mothers were with the single girls.

    How do I know this? I am a close friend with a nurse that routinely works that floor. The week my grandson was born was a normal occurrence for them to witness.

    I guess what I am trying to say is this – have we devalued the role of fathers in our society? Our society is suffering a great deal from our lack of stable homes – and not just for kids – but for people of all ages.

    But what makes me really angry is to see some group of arrogant, self-righteous folks who can only claim that gay marriage is what is ruining our families.

    Seriously? Give me a break.

    • itolduso

      You have every right to be upset, and yes, in my opinion, started with the women’s movement, society has devalued the value of a father. However, and I mean this sincerely, the issue of gays when talking about the situation is just a distraction. If that is what really makes you angry about the situation, you need to relax a little about the whole gay thing….which I am not denigrating in any way….I am just suggesting some perspective

    • itolduso

      “But what makes me really angry is to see some group of arrogant, self-righteous folks who can only claim that gay marriage is what is ruining our families.”

      Seriously? WHat makes you mad about the above situation is that? Why would you NOT be angry, really angry, at a society that has devalued the value and role of a father in a child’s life?

      I don’t know how you got so burnt by some churchpeople, but really, for your own mental health, you need to quit being so angry.
      No snark, no slam, no nothing, just concern over someone who spends so much of their posting time angry.

      ANd for whomever did this, I apologize on other Christian;s behalf

    • indypendent

      P.S. – I wonder how many of those births were on the taxpayers’ dime?

      Never mind, maybe I don’t want to know.

  2. itolduso

    hmmm. I have tried to post twice

    • I found three of your posts in the spam folder. I didn’t look to see if there was some minor error in the nic or email addy as has happened in the past, I just approved them.

  3. tstb, were these three men part of a family that nourished them when they were growing up? Maybe we need to learn how to love and value people from being loved and valued? I don’t know.

    • indypendent

      I hear younger people – not just men – say basically the same thing all the time.

      We have several generations that have grown up with both parents having to work to make ends meet. Then those jobs were not really safe from being outsourced.

      We’ve had several wars with questionable motives as to why our country was involved.

      We’ve seen the divorce rate go sky high adn we’ve seen people encouraged to be materialistic.

      We’ve seen our society value the wrong things in life. There used to be a thing called shame and embarrassment.

      One look through the political parties on both sides and these so-called mega church preachers who bring a new meaning to embarrassment.

      But who exactly has been held to shame? Alot of those political figures and so-called church leaders are right where they have always been – in power.

      So, maybe the last few generations have learned what they have witnessed and not what was preached at them?

      You know, the American dream is still alive and achievable. That if you work hard, do the right thing, pay your taxes that you will have a good life.

      In other words – alot of fancy words but when it comes right down to it – it is every man for themselves?

      America is full of hypocrisy – that’s for sure.

      That would make any young person turn into an unemotional person and willing to say ‘who cares’.

  4. I received this in an email, and it’s one of several syrupy emails we all receive, but I really feel this way about all of you here and I hope every person has people they feel this for too!

    If you happened to show up on my door step crying, I would care!

    If you called me and asked me to pick you up because something happened, I would come!

    If you had one day left to live your life, I would want to be part of that last day!

    If you needed a shoulder to cry on, I would give you mine!

  5. Do you realize how long America has been at war? There are children now entering double digits who have never known a time when their country wasn’t fighting, who didn’t have a time without a classmate who had a parent overseas fighting in a war.

    • indypendent

      I think this started with the Vietnam War days. That was the first war that was televised and it came into our homes every day.

      That war changed alot of people’s perspective on war.

  6. itolduso

    “Do you realize how long America has been at war?”

    Too fng long

  7. indypendent

    itolduso -why do you take every comment I make about arrogant so-called church people so personally?

    Did I address that comment to you – NO.

    I was talking about how we as a society seem to denigrate fathers – especially those who are married to the mothers of their babies and the ONLY thing you got from that was the issue of MY anger?

    I am angry as to how these so-called christians have hijacked the name of Christianity but if you don’t see it that way – then that is your prerogative to have that opinion.

    As for me, I will never forget the true definition of a Christian and it does not resemble any of the current Religious Right that you seem so willing to defend.

  8. indypendent

    Just a thought:

    My commenting about my feelings about the Religious Right is no different than your commenting about your feelings for everything anti Obama.

    I am free to have my opinion and you are free to have yours.

    This is another time we will need to agree to disagree – if that is possible.

  9. itolduso

    “BTW – did you know that Satan can pray a very pretty prayer?”

    Not only that, he knows the scripture better than you, or any human

  10. indypendent

    I wonder if Satan knows those Evangelical Christians are rewriting the Scriptures?

    Oh, oh – somebody had better have fireproof shoes.

  11. itolduso

    “itolduso -why do you take every comment I make about arrogant so-called church people so personally?”

    I don;t. I meant what I said. I do know how much damage “spiritual” People can do to others. I have dealt with far too many who have left the church because of it.

    Of course, I could end every post with “those hateful progressives, always with the handout for somebody else’s money, and their hypocritical ways, really chap my ass. I am sure you might defend your fellow progressives.

    • indypendent

      All I said was the hypocrisy of the so-called religious people thinking that gay marriage is the biggest threat to our families.

      And from that you get to all this?

      Never mind the fact that our families are suffering – and that includes some of those so-professing Christian families. There are alot of gay kids and pregnant girls being kicked out of those so-called Christian families – but let’s not talk about that.

      Let’s say call progressives hateful people because they want to see some sense of social justice in our country.

      and this is it for me -goodnite adn I’ll be praying for you.

  12. indypendent

    I could go all day with a tit-for-tat about fake Christians and the Bible.

    I can quote Scripture with the best of the fakes but it will never change anything because arrogance often goes hand in hand with ignorance.

  13. itolduso

    I can quote Scripture with the best of the fakes

    I bet.

  14. itolduso

    You have a good night. Seriously. Put your hate away for just awhile. It will feel good. Seriously

  15. indypendent

    good nite and I dont’ need your prayers because I can pray on my own because I know mine get through.

  16. indypendent

    Let me guess – a 700 club member?

  17. indypendent

    You have a good night. Seriously. Put your hate away for just awhile. It will feel good. Seriously

    —-
    Actually, doesn’t the Bible instruct us to seek out the false prophets and rebuke them?

    Jesus did not like the church leaders and he soundly told them where to get off too.

    so, why should I stop saying my opinion of these fake Christians? I see it as my Christian duty to point out when they are wrong.

    • itolduso

      I see it as my Christian duty to point out when they are wrong.

      Go ahead, quote it chapter and verse when concerned with individuals. Painting everyone in the same box is just..well, you can guess.

  18. indypendent

    I always find it amusing when men cannot seem to stand it when a woman dares to speak their mind. Somehow, it becomes imperative to shut her up or to try to demonize her as something being wrong with her.

    • itolduso

      HAHA.

      Nothing but immaterial snark. Go for it. Maybe it’s good therapy for you.

      Didn;t even know you were a woman, thanks for letting me know.

  19. tosmarttobegop

    It could be a result of the “instant generation” the drive to have everything as quick as possible and not meant to last and easily replaced. “The me generation” mentality after effect passed down.
    For one of the young men I do know he came from a family where he was the father’s focal point of his anger and disappointment. While his brothers and sisters were treated with love and caring.

    The other two have said in the past that they want to be like their father and have a marriage like their parents? They seem to value a devoted marriage and a caring father who put them as foremost in life.
    So why they do not see it as being needed to be is a mystery.

    I do think in the hospital situation it has changed, the father is expected and allow to be a part of the entire process of birth. Only in the court system does it seem that the father is thought of as still a second class person involved. Simply a cash cow and the only right they have is to pay for their involvement in the birth.

    I had seen even in the case where the mother was totally irresponsible and had abandoned the child.
    She is still given more credit and rights in child custody.

    A Judge have told a father who has since remarried and his ex has too and to someone that makes six figures.

    That he do not care if the current family is living in a cardboard box and eating out of a McDonalds dumpster. The father would pay for his first child before he would his current children.

    In another case in order even though he had joint custody and was current in child support.
    The father still had to get a court order to simply see his son school transcripts.
    After getting the court order he discovered his ex-wife had signed guardianship to an other couple without his knowledge or permission.

    And she had done so two years prior meanwhile she was accepting child support and had even token him to court demanding an increase in support!

    When the judge was advised of what had happen, he ask the ex wife if that is correct? She said it was and then he asked if she had given any of the child support to the couple for financial assistance?
    She had not and stated they had never asked for any!

    The judge then simply told her it was wrong of her and nothing was done to her or about what had happened.

  20. tosmarttobegop

    I can not imagine me marrying my wife if I has not been emotional attached to her.
    If not for the feeling that I could not bare to not have her in my life and she was the one I wanted to be there all the time.

    That she was special and right for me, not just one of many choices to have and if it did not work oh well I can just move on and call for the next number on the clip board.

    I have singled out men since they were the one today that it came up.
    But I have also heard that many girls are also taking such a thought process.
    My oldest was married to one, he was simply the next in line and the marriage was just one aspect of the game.

    Sadly that was not how he was looking at it and it effected his opinion for some time.
    It made it harder for him to get into another relationship or to actually think he was falling in love.
    Even today with a young lady that her mere smile can could his heart to skip a beat.
    He seems to be the last to know he had fallen in love with her.

    Again I am not thinking this is just a matter of how someone was raised, Jobs are no longer to be thought of as something you keep till retiring. Marriages are being thought of as something only for the moment and then once there is some hardship it is on to the next. Love is only until the new feeling is gone.

  21. itolduso

    goodnite adn I’ll be praying for you

    Thank you.

    • Zippy

      Just looking at this thread, I’m not sure how “devaluing fatherhood” has even the tiniest relevance to this spat.

      I gather it’s some nonsense that somehow links treating gay people as equals as with fatherhood?

      Right.

      Rather than posting such dishonest nonsense, why not say what you really think?

  22. itolduso

    “Rather than posting such dishonest nonsense, why not say what you really think?”

    If I had a clue what you were saying, I would be glad to say what I realy think.

    Must be too early and not enough caffiene for me.

    • This comment went into ‘spam’ too. I’ve found around 10 or so of your posts there in the last few days, none from any other poster ????

    • itolduso

      What do you think I am being dishonest about Zippy?

      I have never, too my knowledge, represented my opinion, and take plenty of flack for it…which I understand.

      What am I being dishonest about? Tell, don;t imply

  23. itolduso

    fnord-

    It was only this one topic that kept doing this. I have no idea why.

  24. itolduso

    represented s/b misrepresented