Old Joe and the Foot In Mouth Disease

We’ve all done it – opened mouth and inserted foot. Joe Barton may have actually taken it to another level by apologizing to BP because President Obama wasn’t nice to them, but he’s not the first, and won’t be the last.

“Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.”

Politicians probably get the most flak for verbal gaffes. George W Bush is so famous for his that malapropisms are now know as Bushisms. Bush was bad, Dan Quayle wasn’t far behind.

“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Vice President, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.'”

Even the most solemn and straitlaced have their problems, too.

“The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'”

Gerald Ford was known for more than just tripping and falling down.

“I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio.”

When writing a resume, one needs to be particularly careful to avoid gaffes, blunders and general stupidity.

“Education: College, August 1880 – May 1984.”

Sometimes you wonder, just what the Hell were they thinking?

“Ears pierced while you wait.”    –    “Idaho Pot / 10 Lb. Bag / $1.49”

Old Joe doesn’t have the market cornered on dumb political remarks.

“It is indeed fitting that we gather here today to pay tribute to Abraham Lincoln, who was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.”

Some gaffes come way too close to the truth.

“Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required.”

“Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.”

The lawyers got involved and now labels can be the worst of gaffes.

“Do not use orally.” — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

“Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.” — On a portable stroller.

“Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.” — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

“May be harmful if swallowed.” — On a shipment of hammers.

Now, personally, I am unlikely to be guilty of a verbal gaffe as long as my mouth is shut. My written cases of Foot in Mouth Disease, on the other hand, are legend…………………………..

By the way, I’ll be leaving for Idaho shortly.

William Stephenson Clark


Filed under Humor

5 responses to “Old Joe and the Foot In Mouth Disease

  1. Griffin

    The only time I open my mouth is to change socks!!

  2. Monkeyhawk

    Bring back some Idaho pot.

  3. WSClark

    Need a laugh? I banged out this thread just for fun, obviously, and I kiped the lines quoted from this website.

    Things people said.


    I laughed so hard I could barely finish the column.

    Here’s one that I absolutely love – apologies to 6176.

    Lawyer: “Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–“

    Witness: “Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.”

  4. WSClark

    Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”

    Witness: “No.”

    Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”

    Witness: “No.”

    Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”

    Witness: “No.”

    Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”

    Witness: “No.”

    Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”

    Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”

    Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”

    Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

  5. WSClark

    Accident reports……….

    “I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”