Fleas and Other Useless Things

Some of the time, I wonder about the really important things in life, like the origins of the universe, the future of mankind and why my dogs have to go outside with me whenever I go.

Then, sometimes I wonder about the little things in life,  like why did God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or evolution or cosmic forces come up with some really dumb stuff.

Now, most of the time I wear clothes in public to keep warm, so why do need hair on my back? What is the purpose for nose hair and why does it grow so fast? Why, if I shave my face, my beard will grow back, but if I have a tooth pulled, it won’t? Why do I have an appendix?

The animal kingdom is even more perplexing. Now, I realize that much of the animal existence is part of the natural food chain. How humans fit into that, I don’t know, since only a few of us manage to get munched by a shark or grizzle bear each year.

But where do fleas fit in on the food chain? There are no gourmet flea restaurants for species that feast on fleas, so why are they here? Flies are supposed to be a staple of frogs’ diets, so why aren’t there herds of frogs at the city dump?

What are the little things in life that you wonder about? Pretty much everyone wonders how George W Bush managed to serve two terms as president, but some of us also wonder what went wrong with an evolutionary process that gave us the platypus.

From the warped mind of William Stephenson Clark.


Filed under Humor, Uncategorized

12 responses to “Fleas and Other Useless Things

  1. WSClark

    The weather is miserable, my yard looks like a hayfield, my dogs are bugging me to go out and play and I just want to be a bit silly and have some fun.

    Yes, I can be quite the goofball, I prove it everyday.

    So, since I can’t mow until the surfboard I ordered from California arrives, I’ll just play here in my little office for a while.

    By the way, anybody know what the thread photo has to do with the thread? If so, keep it quiet for now.

  2. david B

    The platypus is perfectly suited for being a platypus.
    You really laid an egg that time!

    I demand you retract that insult to platypi everywhere!

    • WSClark

      “I demand you retract that insult to platypi everywhere!”

      I respectfully apologize to platypi everywhere, especially those in your neighborhood!

  3. WSClark

    Man is supposed to be the higher species in the evolutionary chain, having evolved from common ancestors. The ape family is our closest animal relative, sharing some 90+% of our DNA.

    So, why do gorillas have an opposable thumb on their feet and we don’t?

    Think about how handy having thumbs on your feet would be. Picking up around the house could be accomplished in half the time. Those tasks that require three hands could easily be accomplished without having to summon a spouse or friend. Preparing dinner would be a breeze.

    And for us older folk, reading in bed would be much easier. No reading glasses required – just hold the book with your feet.

    On the downside, finding a comfortable pair of shoes would be a bit more difficult, but that’s a small price to pay.

  4. prairie pond

    Heh, Will. Yes, I know the picture. But your secret is safe with me….

  5. As usual, I’m the odd man out. I have NO idea. 😦

    When you mentioned opposable toes that work like our thumbs I was taken back to the time of small children. Mothers can do amazing things with hips and butts, while still balancing a toddler on one hip! I know I’m out of practice, out of shape, and probably don’t have those skills any longer. But I was once very good!

    • WSClark

      Hips. That “womanly hips” thing (kudos to Joan Osbourne) is no less than a product of evolution.

      Having been a single, male parent of a toddler, I wasn’t physically equipped to do the “kid on the hip and make dinner” routine.

      I just didn’t have the goods!

      • tosmarttobegop

        I have often said that who ever said women were the weaker sex.

        Never tried to carry a toddler around a mall for four hours!

        I could not do it, about thirty minutes and I am thinking that this kid is gaining about a hundred pounds for every ten minutes.

  6. Elbows are also a tool of many uses!

  7. WSClark

    For those few that missed my extremely lame joke, the thread photo is of Michael Peter Balzary, bassist, singer-songwriter and co-founder of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

    His stage name is “Flea.”

    And no, I am not suggesting that Flea is useless.

  8. I’m sorry you had to explain it, and very thankful that I have you in my life to explain these things to me.

    • badbiker

      Ah, I love you, too, Fnord, but the truth is, I was just surfing around for a thread photo, and had picked out a cartoon of a flea playing guitar, when I came across this one.

      I thought it to be pretty lame, but some may have caught the lousy attempt at humor.

      My Saturday/Sunday columns from this point forward will be of a humorous nature – Monday thru Friday will be my feeble attempt at solving the world’s problems.

      A guy’s gotta rest sometimes, ya’ know!