Satan to Pat Robertson

From the StarTribune in Minneapolis-St. Paul:

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action.

But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welsher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.  Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamor, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”?

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best,

Satan

6 Comments

Filed under hate groups, newspapers, Radical Rightwing groups, Republicans, Wingnuts!

6 responses to “Satan to Pat Robertson

  1. wicked

    hee hee heeeeee!

    Go, Satan!!!!

  2. griffin

    Satan- “Saying things like that about me … After all I have done for you! Contract indeed.

  3. Zippy

    Robertson, the spoiled son of A. Willis Robertson, who fathered a child out of wedlock, thinks, like many right-wing TV preachers, that he can say anything to collect money, and forward his hateful agenda.

    He once claimed, incredibly that a gay pride pride was dangerous to Florida, because the state was “in the way of some serious hurricanes.”

    Steve Mirsky responded in Scientific American : “This just in! Buffalo gets snow in January!” and noted how Lynchburg, VA–the home of Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University–got regularly hit by tornadoes.

    Perhaps Robertson should start teaching twin courses Evangelical Geology and Evangelical Meteorology.

  4. lillacluvr

    I was listening to talk radio today while at work (I work by myself on the weekend and I needed the noise – besides, I believe in listening in on the other side to see how they’re thought processes are being formed).,

    Anyway, I noticed alot of folks were calling in and defending Mr. Pat and sayings things like ‘what he MEANT to say was…..’ or ‘his words were taken out of context’ and my personal favorite – ‘if you’re not a Christian, then you don’t know what he would be talking about’.

    Oh yeah, it’s MY fault – eyes roll.

    • lillacluvr

      sorry – just realized I used the wrong word – it should be ‘their’ thought processes.

      I did graduate high school, honestly.

  5. lillacluvr

    Satan to Pat Robertson – I want my throne back!