12 Principles to Use in Conducting Flame Wars

1.  Accuse the other party of your worst faults.

2. Insist that you are an avator of the Truth and that the other person is Falsehood incarnate, or at least “misled.”

3. Dwell on errors.  Correct them in others at every opportunity.

4. Never apologize unequivocably.  If forced to apologize, justify yourself in a way that makes it sound like the other party was responsible for your actions.

5. Write in such a way tht the other party looks stupid if they don’t respond.

6. Try to be many things at once, so that you can deny everything that is said about you.

7. Say the same thing over and over again.

8. Always strive to get the last word.

9. Never let a debate rest.  Never allow the other party to withdraw without making it clear that they have lost.

 10. Insist that you are misunderstood.

11. If you can’t find something to flame the person about, make something up.  Convince yourself that you see the “real” motives.

12. Remember: Winning is everything

Rule for those who do not want to get into Flame Wars:


The source for these pearls of wisdom.  If I did not know better, I’d swear this writer was personally acquainted with the poster formerly known as J.M.


Filed under Humor

5 responses to “12 Principles to Use in Conducting Flame Wars

  1. Did you ever see this —


    I found myself in more than one of these!

    I think I probably have been Toxic Granny. Haven’t we all been Grammarian? I’ve been exposed too often as Profundus Maximus. WOW! God and Diplomat could both be named Fnord or Linda! Coffee Klatch is me I’m sure.

    I better quit, I’m not even sure how many there are and already half of them could be written descriptions of ME.

    Can you find you?

  2. ninjanurse

    I like #6. I’m trying to perfect the Palin syntax, which allows you to sound like you’re saying something but is so imprecise that you can deny everything. It’s kind of a Rorschach word collage.

  3. Thunderchild

    HEH! I Like the flame warrior link.

    I see myself as “big dog” with a good shot of “xenophobe” for cons and just a dash of “pinko”.

  4. StevenEDavis
    Posted September 28, 2009 at 11:05 pm | Permalink
    What’s really sad about JimJohnson (AKA Max Grobnik) and BoxLock, is that they are less honest than James McCluer, who at least has the balls to admit that he is a troll. You guys, on the other hand, are profoundly sad.