And all have fun;
Got a gun.
Now that America’s banking, real estate, stock market, insurance and automobile bubbles have all burst, what’s a hard-working, God-fearing citizen supposed to do for a job? Can you believe that even the casino industry is laying off? Fortunately alcohol is still stable, but prostitution futures have tanked. Curses, if the sin market is sinking, we’re in more trouble than we thought.
But one industry has heroically come to our rescue – yes, guns. Firearm sales are through the roof. Gun makers are adding shifts and gun stores are adding clerks. They’re sparking the whole economy. Researchers have identified several reasons: Barack Obama, the recession, and self-defense.
It’s not that they fear Mr. Obama will come after them physically. Rather they see him as a strident gun control zealot who will soon make gun sales illegal. Thus we had better buy now. The recession in turn provokes fears of unemployed armed mobs roving the streets looking for any wealth they can grab. If you happen to have some, you’d better be ready to mount a show of force in response. And nowadays, it’s also critical to be armed and ready when screwballs at Columbine, Virginia Tech, Binghamton and North Carolina show up and start shooting. Who let those nuts have guns anyway? But since they do, we’d better too.
Thus you’ll be pleased to learn that Connecticut has just taken a solid step to end this insanity. Thanks to its valiant legislature, it is now illegal to hand a machine gun to anyone under age 16. Seems last year an eight-year-old at a local range got hold of an Uzi, lost control of it, and shot his head off. Brave pols thought that was wrong and responded fast.
In fact some folks in D.C. figured this would be a good cover to pass still sterner laws. After all, our nation’s chief gun nut left office in January and many of his congressional soulmates were on the same outbound train. But surprise, the Democrats who replaced them still report to that same constituency. Consequently when an amendment to the popular credit card reform bill proposed to allow guns in national parks, it passed in a breeze. There’s bears out there, and wolves and rattlers, and Packers fans.
Neither could Congress even rouse itself to reinstate the old ban on assault weapons. That one expired five years ago. OK, maybe you wouldn’t have expected it to be brought back during the recent Dark Ages, but why not now in the new glow of enlightenment? Are we trying to make it easier for the terrorists?
Well, some are. The Texas legislature is considering a bill to allow the carrying of concealed weapons on college campuses. Virginia Tech, you know – you’ve just got to be ready for anything. Meanwhile lawmakers in Arkansas are contemplating allowing heat in churches. Hang on now: 42 states already do, although churches can establish their own prohibition if they like. Visit your local police department for usher training.
In fact why not go further? Let’s have guns and their owners licensed and registered like cars and drivers. Every gun would be listed in a single giant database, tested and certified, with transfers recorded. Owners would be tested too, photographed and subject to periodic re-registration. You’ll be shocked to hear that some despotic countries, like Switzerland, already do that very thing.
But for now, let’s worry first about the economy. If each of us would simply pledge to buy just one gun we could get that old GDP rolling again. It seems almost a patriotic duty. ———-
AMEN, I’ll take TWO! Wave that flag over there Bubba…..~sekanblogger
9 responses to “GUNS CAN SAVE OUR ECONOMY –- by William A. Collins”
What has happened to the price of guns and ammunition since the hoarding began? Anyone know? I guess I could look it up, but wouldn’t know what was accurate since I have no clue what guns sold for before or now. Neither do I care, but it does seem likely that in exchange for bearing the total responsibility for restoring our country’s economy, the gun and ammunition manufacturers could be expecting a profit. Maybe even an exorbitant profit since it’s a mighty big responsibility they’ve taken on.
Look on another bright side! If someone comes after any one of these well armed people they can have a gun in each hand, and maybe with practice learn to discharge one with their feet if they’re put in the proper position.
Maybe this will also stabilize marriage because they can arm the spouse too! That makes four eligible hands to hold guns! If they hurry up and procreate they could just keep on addin’ potential shooters!
This sounds like it’s gonna be a win-win all around!
The price of guns and ammo in this country has risen, along with production.
The end result of even talking about gun control, is sadly, more guns!
I would not advocate federal gun bans, but states and municipalities?
I don’t know. I do know there’s just way too many handguns, worldwide for that matter.
I still have two guns (not handguns) but haven’t shot either for years.
I’m pretty sure I need a chair or a ladder to get to them. Never was the kind to prepare for intruders or such.
The price of a semi-automatic rifle has gone up after a period where they were about giving them away.
Ammo has stay the same price though it is hard to find, I noticed though I have not buy any in some time.
I am not sure what kind of guns are being sold the most but would imagine it would be the semi-automatic rifles. So far this is more phobic in reaction since Obama has not said anything that would have caused it.
If there was any logical reason for the gun nuts to hoard guns or any support for their irrational fears of having sales of guns restricted, I could accept it. But no matter how often you ask for that logical reason you get nothing more than something that was said in the past, some statement that is held as a personal opinion (and never even hinted as entering public policy). They seem to be afraid of some past that they’ve blown up into a strange reality where they live, but rational people don’t.
No legislation even introduced, let alone passed.
No reality to support their irrational fears.
But, hey! The increased gun and ammunition sales are supporting an entire country’s badly damaged economy! 😉 And, I’m certainly not being taken for a ride on inflated prices and unsupported fears. Let the gun nuts do whatever — they’re spending and I get to gain from the healthier economy!
I really don’t care that their guns will be worth less than they paid for them. Seems like karma to me!
Yeah funny huh?
All this wignut outrage and it’s still perfectly legal to own a FULLY AUTOMATIC weapon in Kansas.
I think I mentioned this before, but Australia banned guns in the late 1990’s after the Tasmanian massacre, where a man went on a shooting rampage and killed 35 people. The Prime Minister put in place laws that restricted the use of guns and firearms. Farmers and recreational sport enthusiasts had to go through a strict licensing process and all firearms had to be locked up in secure gun cabinets. The government bought back all the guns from people who didn’t fall into those categories. The gun lobbyists cried foul saying that people would be vulnerable to gangs who had guns illegally and it would open up a whole black market racket. Well apart from the occasional gangland slaying and robberies, guns and gun deaths are no longer a big part of our culture. You watch now that I have said this….
OK, given Australia’s population is 22 million and many are farmers, there are still are a lot of guns out there. But at least I don’t have the fear of walking down the street one day and getting shot …stabbed, mugged and raped…but not shot! So where does it stop when we have to arm ourselves more and more because “if we don’t, they will”? Hmm, sounds a lot like a war mentality to me.
stabbed, mugged and raped
Raped? Even if it was Paul Hogan?
Ahh now if only Nicole Kidman wanted to have her way with me! I would fight, no really I would! Or at least that is what I would tell my wife I did…..
Oh come on To Smart, Nicole has a forehead like a flatscreen TV (botox babe). Hmm, but then again..after her atrocious attempt at acting in “Australia” you might just be in luck! 🙂
I was not impressed with the movie.
It should have been an historical fiction epic.
It watched more like a soap opera.