by fnord |
May 20, 2009 · 1:45 pm
Which Reagan wannabe will lead the GOP back to glory?
Seems those who inherited earned their vast wealth while still in the womb are reminiscing about the many splendors of growing up rich. Regaling one another with stories about how the poor considered themselves lucky to share in the lovely homes they served; how blessed they felt to eat some of the same food, sometimes even sleep in the same homes as the more-deserving gracious and generous masters. These are the days they strive to return to! They must find another Reagan.
Who will it be?
This is a scenario from the near future when Fred Phelps dies and meets his maker. As in turns out, on that fateful day, St. Peter has some well deserved time off and it is up to GOD HIMSELF to mind the Heaven Shop when Fred arrives.
GOD: WELL, GREETINGS REVEREND PHELPS, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FINE DAY. [As you will note, God talks loudly and in all capital letters.]
Phelps: God, I am glad to be here after a long life of doing your work on earth…
GOD: ACTUALLY, I’VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT “YOUR WORK”. YOU SEE, FRED, YOU AND I HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE OF OPINION ABOUT “YOUR WORK.” I SEE “YOUR WORK” AS HARASSING MEMBERS OF MY FLOCK DUE TO YOUR EXCESSIVE HATE AND MISPLACED SENSE OF PURPOSE.
A REVIEW FOR YOU FRED: I AM GOD. I AM PERFECT. I MADE ALL OF MAN & WOMANKIND IN MY IMAGE. THIS WILL COME AS A SURPRISE FOR YOU, FRED, BUT I’VE HAD HOMOEROTIC FEELINGS AND BECAUSE OF THAT I DEDICATED PART OF MY CREATION TO EXPRESSING THESE FEELINGS IN THE RAINBOW PORTION OF MY WORK. I KNOW YOU ARE AN ATTORNEY IN ADDITION TO BEING A MINISTER, BUT, FRED, YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO JUDGE MY PERFECT CREATIONS.
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Filed under Cheney, Creativity, Kansas, Kansas History, Life Lessons, Marriage Equality, Original writings
Tagged as Fred Phelps, GOD, Judgement Day, Satan, satire
by fnord |
May 20, 2009 · 6:30 am
The Flint Hills of Kansas are undulating carpets of green that stretch from northern Kansas almost to the Oklahoma border. Around Strong City is the Tallgrass Prairie National Preserve. The land is pristine, the last stand of tallgrass in North America.
What’s on your mind?